


Snow Stories

by frankiesin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, Mutual Pining, Trans Character, Trans Remus Lupin, Trans Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-02-28 04:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18748726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankiesin/pseuds/frankiesin
Summary: Sirius meets Remus in a Starbucks while his family is on a ski retreat. And then he meets him again, the next year. And then again, and again, and again. Friendship turns into a crush, and Sirius has to figure out how to navigate a relationship on top of going off to college and hiding his sexuality from his parents.Oh, and he has to figure out what to do about his little brother. Because of course he does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was gonna wait until I was done with this fic and post it as one big thing but I have no patience and also it's gonna be a lot longer than I expected so we're doing chapters now. 
> 
> And they're short, because then I can do frequent updates.
> 
> Also, this takes place in the US because I live in the US and I know how it works a lot more than I do UK skiing culture. Sometimes Stephen King is right and you gotta write what you know.

There was one Starbucks in the little ski town. Sirius had, over the course of his fall semester, developed a love for the coffee chain, and so he found himself outside of the shop on his day off. His brother and his parents were still skiing, but Sirius had left the mountain early after taking a bad fall and deciding it wasn't worth hobbling around on the mountain anymore. Sirius loved skiing, but more importantly he loved the snow and sipping hot coffee while watching the snow fall down around him. 

 

His long hair was covered in little snowflakes by the time he got into the Starbucks, and he pulled his gloves off as he approached the line. It was much warmer in here than out there, and it smelled of coffee and peppermint. Sirius smiled to himself. This wasn't so bad after all. 

 

He noticed the barista while there were about three people ahead of him. Sirius had never seen someone so attractive in his life, and even though he was only seventeen, he was sure he'd never see anyone who could beat out this boy when it came to attractiveness. He was tall, with soft, golden brown curls falling into his eyes, and a scar that curled up against the side of his face. Sirius wondered what it would be like to run his fingers through the barista’s hair, and then quickly shook the thought from his mind. This guy was a stranger, working in a coffee shop miles from where Sirius actually lived. He had no chance. 

 

There was also the matter of Sirius’ gender. Sirius had only figured it out a couple of months ago, right in the middle of the fall semester. Before, he’d always considered himself a tomboy, and he’d only had one friend who was a girl. Lily Evans was a fierce, spunky kid and Sirius would have been into her if his best friend, James, hadn’t announced that he was in love with her when they were all twelve. Five years later, and James still hadn’t gotten the courage to ask Lily out. Lily liked James--somewhat--but Sirius wasn’t going to be the one to shove them in a closet and force them to talk about their feelings. He had enough on his own plate, between his family being a bunch of racist, homophobic assholes and him being transgender and somewhere along the bisexual spectrum. 

 

If Sirius was a cis guy, with soft, wavy black hair, he’d probably flirt with this barista. As it was, Sirius couldn’t do anything without the barista assuming he was a girl and not realising that Sirius’ feelings were of the gay variety. 

 

The line moved up. Sirius hadn’t decided on his order yet, and made a quick scan of the menu before deciding to get the same drink he always did. He and his friends (including James and Lily) had started going out to Starbucks on Fridays after school let out. Sirius hadn’t been able to go to most of the meet-ups in December, as he was out of school and his parents didn’t approve of any of his friends. James wasn’t white, and Lily, Peter, and Sev were all poor and therefore drains on society. 

 

“Hey, what can I get you?” The barista’s voice was softer than Sirius had expected, but it still suited him. He looked tired, now that Sirius could see him up close, and there was another scar peeking out from under his collar. 

 

“Caramel Macchiato,” Sirius said after a moment. He tried to make his voice lower, but he was pretty sure he just sounded like he was choking on something. 

 

The barista nodded and pulled a cup out. He scrawled out Sirius’ order before setting the cup down and punching the order into the computer. He looked up at Sirius through his curls, and Sirius dropped his gaze to the boy's name badge for just a moment.  _ Remus _ . An odd name, but it wasn't as though Sirius could judge him for it. Sirius had named himself after a  _ star _ . He had no room to judge people's names now. 

 

“...your name?” Remus asked, his voice trickling into Sirius’ thoughts. 

 

Sirius looked up from the barista’s name badge. “Oh, it's. It's Sirius.”

 

A wave of anxiety washed over him. Sirius only ever used his name--his  _ real _ name--around his friends. He didn't even use it at their regular Starbucks, because sometimes Sirius’ younger brother would come in and Sirius couldn't risk outing himself over something as small as coffee. 

 

This felt different, though. Something in Sirius knew that this barista, in this Starbucks, wouldn’t expose Sirius. Regulus would never hear Sirius’ real name get called out, and Sirius would never accidentally show his cup to his parents. Sirius could be himself, say his real name to Remus, and things would be fine. 

 

Sirius was a little melodramatic sometimes. James said it was a result of a traumatic childhood. Sirius said it was because he had to express his gay somehow, since he couldn't be gay at home. 

 

“That’ll be 4.75,” Remus said. He set the cup down on his other side, handing it over to the next employee. Sirius noted that his fingernails were painted a dark metallic grey. They were short, bitten down, and the paint was chipped in places. It was cute, really. 

 

Sirius looked up from the barista’s hands and fished out his credit card. He handed it over and his fingers brushed Remus’. Sirius felt his face warm up, and he couldn’t bring himself to look the barista in the eyes again. Sirius wasn’t a nervous person, not really, but he never knew what to do around attractive people. He either made an ass of himself to try and impress them, or he tripped over himself trying not to be too much at once. There was no in between. 

 

“Thanks,” Sirius muttered as he put his card back in his wallet. 

 

“No problem,” Remus said. A small, crooked smile crossed his face, and Sirius noted how his scar shifted when his mouth moved. He still wanted to reach across the counter and touch it. He didn’t. He dropped his gaze from Remus again and fiddled with his wallet. Remus tapped a button on the register. “Did you want your receipt?”

 

“Oh, no, I’m good,” Sirius said. He backed up from the counter and quickly walked down to where he’d pick his drink up. He could feel the barista’s eyes on him, though. Sirius tried to play it off as though he was cool and had his shit together. Sirius, of course, had never had his shit together. He was nervous, especially around cute guys. 

 

He waited until his name was called (and it was fantastic to hear a stranger call out “Sirius!” and him be the one to respond), grabbed his coffee, and then found himself a table far away from the counter. 

 

He couldn’t stop himself from watching the barista, though. Remus was the definition of a cute boy, and Sirius was smitten.

 

* * *

 

 

Sirius cut his hair to his shoulders at the end of his first week back. James and Peter went with him to the salon, and the two of them busied themselves with the upscale fashion magazines while Sirius made small talk with the stylist. It wasn’t where he usually went to get his hair done. It was where James’ mom went, and so it was reasonable to assume that it was still a good place for Sirius to get his hair cut off. 

 

Sirius didn’t want it all gone. He liked having hair that blew in the wind and made him look like a pretty punk boy. If he was cis, he could get away with being a pretty boy. As it was, Sirius had to keep choosing between relieving dysphoria and looking how he really wanted to look.

 

The haircut was a good compromise. It was long enough that his parents probably wouldn’t yell at him, but short enough that he could pretend he was just a pretty guy. 

 

“Nice flow,” James said when Sirius came back to him and Peter at the front. He reached out and tousled Sirius’ hair around. 

 

Sirius ducked under James’ arm and hid behind Peter. “Don’t ruin it, asshole. I’ve got product in.”

 

“That’s the first and last time you’ll ever have product in, Mr. Naturally thick and luscious hair,” Peter said, and shoved Sirius back into James’ range. Sirius simply flipped him off and dodged James again. It felt good to be back with his friends. He loved skiing, and being out in the mountains, but it was so lonely. His parents were never good company, and he and Regulus had been growing farther and farther apart the older they got. 

 

“Did you hear about Sev?” James asked as the three boys crunched through the snow to get back to James’ car. 

 

“No, what?” Sirius asked. “Did he finally crack and start using shampoo like I asked?”

 

“No, dude,” Peter said, laughing. “He called Lily a cunt because she said she didn’t want to go to prom with him. Apparently going as friends this year wasn’t enough for our slithery ex-friend.”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. Severus’ crush on Lily was as obvious as James’. The only difference was that Sev hadn’t learned the art of subtlety. Everyone in school knew he wanted to bang Lily Evans, whereas only Lily’s friends knew that James was into her. Sirius kicked a stray clump of snow. “At least he showed himself before we all got tickets together.”

 

“Now it’ll just be the four of us,” James said. He bumped his shoulder against Sirius’. “Unless you and Pete grab some dates, that is.”

 

Sirius whipped his head up. “You asked Lily out?”

 

“No, not yet,” James said. He looked nervous again, like he was thinking over how he was going to do it. “I don’t think I can ask her to prom, not after Sev. She’d say no on principle, and then I’d be fucked. We’ve got a year and a half of high school left, so I can’t screw it up now.”

 

“If you keep putting it off, you’ll both be in college before you even kiss her,” Pete said. 

 

James shook his head. “I won’t wait that long. I’ll… I’ll figure something out. I just need to wait, so that she doesn’t think I’m going to end up treating her the way Sev did.”

 

Sirius nodded in agreement. Lily was smart, but she could be defensive sometimes when it came to boys. Lily was attractive, and if Sirius wasn’t so into guys, he’d appreciate her more. As it was, he understood that Lily was a gorgeous girl, with shoulder length auburn hair and flashing green eyes, and that whenever James finally got the balls to ask her out, he’d be in for one hell of an adventure. 

 

“I still can’t believe he’d do that,” Peter said. They were at James’ car now. Pete moved around to the back, knowing that Sirius had called shotgun infinity the moment James had gotten the car for his sixteenth birthday. Peter pulled the door open and climbed in. “I mean, it’s Sev. We’ve known him for years. He’s not the type to say that kind of shit.”

 

“Remember when he asked Lily and I if we wanted to hear the top ten sexist jokes last year?” Sirius asked from the front seat. 

 

Peter shook his head. 

 

“When did that happen?” James asked. 

 

“I think you were sick that day,” Sirius said. He pulled down the mirror to look at his new hair and re-part it so that it looked carelessly tousled instead of James-tousled. “But it happened, and Lily nearly murdered him with looks alone.”

 

James sighed. “I love her.”

 

Peter and Sirius rolled their eyes. “We know.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad people are liking the story so far. It's a slow burn, for both Wolfstar and Jily (less so Jily), so be patient! (It'll be worth it, I promise)

James never did ask Lily to go with him to prom. Peter tried asking out two different girls in their grade, and was gently let down by both of them. In the end, all four friends went as a group, and decided that if anyone asked, they were all dating each other. 

 

There was only one downside to junior prom: Sirius had to wear a dress. There was no way he could come out to his parents, so they still saw him as their daughter, and they were traditional enough that Sirius couldn’t get away with wearing a suit to prom. Sirius had to wear a dress. He ended up in a dark emerald green dress, and had Lily style his hair back into what could be considered a masculine bun. He did manage to wear his Converse high tops, which was the only blessing of his attire. 

 

As the night went on, the four of them got tired of dancing and ended up claiming a table near the windows. Sirius sat with his legs stretched out away from him, trying to look as masculine as he could while wearing a fancy dress. 

 

“Guys, it's snowing,” Peter commented. 

 

Sirius whipped his head up. Sure enough, snowflakes had started to fall and we're collecting on the ground outside of the building. 

 

Lily shook her head. “It's April. Why is it snowing  _ now _ ?”

 

“The weather has never made sense, and it never will,” James said, patting her on the shoulder and then quickly pulling back so that he didn't come off as creepy. Not that he would have if he'd kept his hand on Lily's shoulder. 

 

Sirius let out a snort at James’ antics. He kicked out have foot, hitting James in the ankle. “Come on. Let's go mess around in the snow. It can't be worse than in here.”

 

“You and Lily’ll freeze,” Peter pointed out. 

 

“Good thing I have a solution for everything,” Sirius said. He reached over and started tugging Peter's jacket off of his shoulders. “I'll borrow yours, and Lily can have James’ jacket. Then no one will be cold.”

 

James shot Sirius a look from across the table, but he didn’t argue with him. Instead, he shrugged off his own jacket and offered it to Lily, who took it without a second thought. Sirius adjusted his (borrowed) suit jacket and stood up from the table. He motioned his head towards the exit, and the other three started getting up as well. 

 

It was surprisingly warm outside. Spring snows were always unpredictable. Either they followed a balmy seventy degree day or they came in the middle of a freeze. Tonight was one of the former, and Sirius was secretly grateful. He’d never admit it in front of his friends, but he did get cold easily. James and Peter never seemed to get cold, and Lily stayed warm through sheer enraged passion alone. If Lily wanted to be cold, she would be cold, but she had no interest in shivering. Sirius was impressed and a little terrified of her prowess. 

 

Peter looked up at the sky. “This is… this is actually really cool.”

 

“We should have had prom out here,” James said. He looked over at Sirius. “Imagine getting crowned Prom King in this. Magical.”

 

“You’re a hopeless romantic,” Sirius said. He tilted his own head back and shook his hair away from his face. He didn’t miss how Lily had looked James up and down when he spoke about Prom King. Sirius smiled into the snowfall. Maybe James had a chance with her after all. 

 

* * *

 

Senior year was sucking ass so far. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Sirius was in a small town on the other side of the state from all of his friends, and it was snowing. They had to drive through the mountains to get back home. Sirius’ parents were pissed at him for something Sirius couldn’t remember, and Reg was taking their side for some reason. 

 

Honestly, with the way things were going, Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if his parents didn’t disown him the moment he got a high school diploma in his hands.

 

Sirius also knew that that wouldn’t happen. So long as they could bury Sirius’ transgressions from their extended family, the Blacks weren’t going to cut him out. It was more embarrassing to have an ex-child than to have a problem child, because a problem child could be fixed. An ex-child was a sign that Sirius’ parents weren’t good enough at their job. An ex-child meant that Sirius had won, and that his disgraceful ways were more powerful than generations of Black family tradition. 

 

Sirius hated it. He hated that he was only a part of the family out of shame. 

 

He also hated that he hadn’t left on his own. He was eighteen now, he’d turned eighteen at the beginning of the month, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He knew he would be getting a trust fund later in life, once he’d finished his four year college degree and could get a “worthwhile” job for himself, and he was terrified of losing that. Sirius had never had to fend for himself. He wasn’t like Lily or Peter, who’d been working since they were sixteen so that they could help their parents out. He wasn’t like James, either, who had two loving parents who would have accepted their son if he’d turned out to be gay or trans. 

 

James had offered to let Sirius move in with him, once, when they were both fourteen and Sirius had decided to come out at school. Sirius had shot him down immediately. He couldn’t take from James’ parents. The offer meant the world to him, but he couldn’t do that. James’ parents were good people, and Sirius couldn’t stand using them. His own parents, however, were assholes, and so Sirius didn’t feel at all bad about borrowing their money and resources. 

 

“Why don’t we pull off for a bit?” Sirius’ mother said from the front seat of the car. She looked over her shoulder at her children. “Regulus, do you want anything?”

 

He shook his head. Sirius wasn’t even asked. He didn’t bother voicing his opinion, either, because he knew it would be ignored. 

 

His parents parked the car outside of the Starbucks in their usual ski resort. Regulus went in with them, and Sirius did not. His father gave him the option, but Sirius knew better than to agree. If he went in, he wouldn’t be allowed to order anything anyway. His parents would say to the barista that Sirius didn’t want anything, even though they knew that Sirius liked coffee now. He’d let it slip at one point over the summer. Now they taunted him with it by never getting creamer that he liked. 

 

Sirius could see the counter from the car. The barista from last winter was still there. He looked taller, or maybe that was Sirius being gay and hopeful. He had a thing for tall guys, but that didn’t make him special in the slightest. The barista’s hair had grown out some, and he’d pulled his curls back into a tiny ponytail at the base of his neck. It was adorable. 

 

Sirius smiled to himself, and mentally twirled his finger around the little ponytail curl. 

 

He made sure to drop the smile before his parents and his brother got back to the car. He didn’t want them to know that this Starbucks made him especially happy. 

 

* * *

 

Sirius made sure to go the Starbucks as soon as he could. His father gave him a disappointed look, and his mother said something about not appreciating family time, but Sirius couldn’t bring himself to care. He’d rather spend an hour sipping coffee and watching Remus the barista than stay with his family while they talked about how immigrants were ruining the economy. 

 

The Starbucks was emptier this time, with no line and only a few people hanging out at the tables. Sirius kept his hat on as he walked up to the counter. He was ready for Remus this time. He wouldn’t let himself get caught off guard by the cute barista. 

 

“Hey, what can I get for you?” Remus said. His voice was deeper now than it had been last time. Sirius felt himself flush. Remus’ gaze crossed over Sirius’ face, and his eyebrows lowered slightly. “Have you been in here before?”

 

“Last year,” Sirius said. A grin crossed his face. “I’m surprised you remembered me at all.”

 

“I think it’s the hair,” Remus said, motioning to Sirius’ thick black locks. He’d gotten it trimmed again before break, at the place James went to, and it was back to brushing across his shoulders. Remus smiled at him. “It was longer last time, wasn’t it?”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius said. He resisted the girly urge to tuck it back behind his ear. Guys didn’t tuck their hair back. Guys flipped it out of the way. “I got tired of it being so long.”

 

“It suits you like this,” Remus said. He glanced over his shoulder, but his coworker wasn’t paying too much attention to his and Sirius’ conversation. Remus shifted his stance so that his weight was on one leg instead of the other. “So, what can I get you?”

 

“Could I get a grande caramel macchiato?” Sirius asked. He glanced over at the pastries. “And… I kind of want something to nibble on, but I’m not sure what. What would you recommend?”

 

Remus glanced over as well, exposing his neck as he did so. Freckles dotted down his cheeks, and Sirius imagined himself kissing them while he pinned Remus to the counter. Or, being pinned to the counter  _ by _ Remus. Either one would be exciting. 

 

“The chocolate croissants are pretty good,” he said, knocking Sirus out of his thoughts. “Don’t know how well they’d go with a caramel drink, though.”

 

“Maybe a plain croissant?” Sirius offered. The barista gave him an odd look, and Sirius remembered that he was the one ordering, not Remus, and that Remus’ opinion didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Sirius could get whatever he wanted for himself. Sirius nodded to himself. “Yeah, let’s go with that. Plain croissant.”

 

“I’ll get that started for you, then,” Remus said. 

 

He ducked his head, but Sirius could see that he was hiding a little smile. He moved away from the counter for a moment, grabbing a croissant with one of the tongs they kept behind the counter. Sirius watched, his gaze on Remus’ arms as his fingers flexed around the tongs. There were scars there too. Not the kind that came from self harming, Sirius knew that, but still. They were there. A part of him wanted to ask where Remus got all of those scars, but the two boys didn’t know each other. Sirius was still a stranger.

 

“That’ll be eight dollars, seventeen cents,” Remus said. He looked up from the register at Sirius, smiling again. God  _ damn _ did Sirius want to kiss him. 

 

“Right,” Sirius said, and shoved his hand into his pocket to fish out his wallet. The only downside to skinny jeans was that everything was tight in the pockets, and so he spent an embarrassing amount of seconds pulling his wallet out. Sirius wondered, not for the first time, how he (and by extension, James) had ever ended up being somewhat cool in the eyes of their peers. 

 

“It’ll be ready soon,” Remus said. He handed Sirius his card back, and then fetched the warm croissant before Sirius could walk away. Their fingers touched again. Sirius’ heart swooned. Sirius himself did not swoon. He just smiled back at Remus and tried not to trip over himself as he moved to the counter. 

 

Cute boys in coffee shops were too much. Sirius wondered how James was even able to  _ speak  _ to Lily after years of having a crush on her. He’d only known about Remus’ existence for a year, and only talked to him twice, and already he was acting like an idiot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to an anime con in a week and I haven't finished my costumes so yay con-crunch I guess! (That's code for: the next few updates may be late as I will be focusing on cosplay + getting my WSBB fic out there on time)

James and his parents came up on New Year’s Eve. Sirius didn’t know until the ski day was over, and by that point it was too late to come up with a way out of family activities. He was a little disappointed, and became even more disappointed when James said that he had important information to tell Sirius. 

 

Sirius spent the New Year wishing he was with the Potters instead of with his own family. Regulus kept giving him odd looks whenever Sirius pulled out his phone to text one of his friends, and Sirius pretended he didn’t notice it. 

 

As soon as he could, he left the main room and headed back to the bedroom. He and Regulus were sharing for the week, which sucked, but it was the only place where Sirius could get any privacy. He wanted to call James, or maybe Peter or Lily if James was busy. Sirius didn’t get that. As soon as he sat down on his bed the door opened again and Regulus appeared. 

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re bored too.”

 

“You’re hiding something,” he said. 

 

Sirius shrugged his shoulders. “Probably. Unlike you, I don’t feel the need to share my every thought with our parents.”

 

“I’m not as much of a suck-up as you think,” Regulus said. He pinched the bridge of his nose and called Sirius by his deadname. Sirius pretended it didn’t hurt. Regulus didn’t know. Sirius was terrified of Regulus knowing. “They annoy me too, you know. I’m fifteen, not fifty-three. I don’t care about half the things they talk about.”

 

“Anyone with half a brain would be bored,” Sirius said. He tucked his hair back behind his ear, and then immediately untucked it. Guys didn’t tuck their hair back. “I’m not hiding anything. I wanted privacy.”

 

Regulus looked at Sirius like he didn’t believe him. Sirius didn’t know why he would; he’d never given Regulus a reason to believe that he was trustworthy. Sirius was the one who’d gotten a tattoo (below his collarbone, with his own savings) a week after his birthday. Sirius was the one who’d cut off half his hair without asking his parents for permission. Sirius was the one who hung out with poor people and who’s best friend wasn’t white. 

 

Sirius was the black sheep of the family. The wild card. Regulus didn’t even know the half of it. He didn’t know that Sirius was trans, or that he thought more about guys than girls these days and was considering throwing in the proverbial towel and just calling himself gay. 

 

Regulus stuck his thumbs into his pocket. Sirius stored that tidbit of information away for later, so that he’d know where to put his hands and make himself look like a guy. His brother sighed. “Well. Okay. But if you ever want to pull your head out of you ass and talk to me, let me know.”

 

And with that, he walked back out the door he’d come in through. Sirius narrowed his eyes, not sure what to take from that conversation. Regulus had never been interested in bridging the gap between himself and Sirius. Sirius had tried, at first, when he’d still been in middle school and he’d thought that people could change. He’d watched Regulus grow up and befriend other racist, close minded boys at school, and he’d given up on that idea. His whole family sucked, and he was one person. 

 

Sirius wasn’t even brave enough to come out to his family. He didn’t know why he’d thought himself brave enough to pull his brother out of their hellhole. 

 

Sirius dropped back onto the mattress and stared at the ceiling. There were tears in the corners of his eyes, and he blinked them away. He hated himself a little, for not being enough. He wasn’t the kid his parents wanted, and on one hand, that was for the best, because they were horrible people. On the other hand, it sucked balls to not have anyone he could call family. It sucked that he was a disappointment. It was hard, being the rebel child. Sirius just wanted to feel loved sometimes, and he didn’t get that at home. 

 

* * *

 

He and James met up the next day. James snowboarded, whereas Sirius was a skier, and James was significantly more aggressive on the slopes than his parents. Because of all that, and because Sirius would rather shave his whole head than ski with his parents and Regulus, it was just the two boys on the mountain. 

 

Sirius loved it. He and James found all of the back bowls, all of the steep, narrow trails hidden in trees and rocks and other dangerous things that would make Mrs. Potter nervous. He loved the danger. He loved it when he and James got stuck on some back trail, on a forty-five degree angle in the middle of the trees, and Sirius decided he knew what he was doing more than he did. 

 

He hit a tree, arms first, and felt the pain soar through his body as he fell over against the snow. 

 

“Shit, Sirius, are you alright?” he heard James call out from above him. 

 

Sirius lifted an arm and pole in victory, ignoring the pain that came with the motion. “I lived, bitch!”

 

James laughed. There was the sound of board against snow, followed by a bit of swearing, followed by more board against snow. Sirius rolled himself over onto his back, looking up at James’ helmet covered head. He put his hands on his hips and shook his head at Sirius. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

 

“You’re the one who suggested this,” Sirius said. He rolled back onto his side, and then began the process of getting himself out of the snow. James, because he was Sirius’ best friend, did nothing to help him and instead reached out to balance himself against a nearby tree while Sirius struggled. Once Sirius was back upright, he shook the snow off of his jacket and twisted around to look at James again. He grinned. “That was fun.”

 

“If you break anything, I’ll buy you lunch,” James offered. 

 

Sirius’ grin widened. “That’s a dangerous deal.”

 

James shrugged. “I’m running on the assumption that you’re indestructible. And besides, if I break anything,  _ you  _ have to buy  _ me _ lunch.”

 

“Fair.”

 

The two boys shook on it, and Sirius skied off first. He didn’t want to break anything, but if it happened, at least he’d be getting free food out of it. James, however, had decided that he desperately wanted free food, because he started boarding as though he was being chased. 

 

They made it to lunch mostly intact. James came close to a tree and got a mean cut down the side of his cheek. Sirius snapped a picture of it and sent it to their group chat with Peter and Lily. Severus had been there as well, but Lily had kicked him out when he saved one of her selfies and they all got the notification for it. They’d all forgotten about Severus for the most part, up until then. 

 

“So, what was the thing you wanted to tell me about?” Sirius said while munching on a fry. 

 

“Oh, Lily kissed me,” James said. He looked calm, but Sirius could see how he was fidgiting with excitement. 

 

Sirius broke out into a grin and flung a fry across the table in his own excitement. “James! You can’t just say that and not go into it! When? Where!? Shit,  _ how _ ?”

 

“It was at Marlene’s Not Christmas Party on the twenty-ninth,” James said. He tossed Sirius his fry back. “That’s why you weren’t there. Peter was, he gave me a high five after. And as to how… well… there may have been some mistletoe involved.”

 

“I’ll count it,” Sirius said, and shrugged. James had been pining after Lily for years. Normally, mistletoe kisses didn’t count as real kisses, but Sirius was feeling lenient and he was also proud of his friend. He leaned over the table. “But. Now the important question. Are you two  _ dating _ ?”

 

James sighed. 

 

Sirius shook his head. “James. My mate. The platonic love of my life. You kissed her. She likes you enough to not stab you for that. You  _ have _ to ask her out.”

 

“I will!” James exclaimed. He shrunk down into his seat, his cheeks darker than usual. He was looking anywhere but Sirius, and Sirius realised that James’ feelings for Lily had long ago crossed over from a childhood crush to something more serious. James pushed his glasses up higher onto his nose. “I will. Before we go back to school. I’ll… I’ll ask her to hang out, and while we’re out, I’ll ask her to be my girlfriend.”

 

“You’d better,” Sirius said. He picked up a fry and dipped it in ketchup. “Because if you don’t, if you chicken out now, you’re buying my yearbook for me.”

 

James raised his eyebrows. “Just your yearbook?”

 

“Well, I’ve got to start somewhere,” Sirius said. “I don’t want to put too much pressure on you.”

 

“I’ll ask her,” James said. He grabbed one of Sirius’ fries. Sirius smiled, knowing damn well that James would make good on his promise. James didn’t back out, not on things like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post this earlier, but I was at a con last weekend and was..... pretty busy as a result. Here it is now!!

Sirius was in Starbucks again. It was evening this time, and he’d somehow managed to get away from his parents and his brother for the night. The Starbucks would only be open for a few more hours, but it was Sirius’ last chance to hang out with James before his family went back home tomorrow. James and his parents were staying out for a few more days, right up until the semester started. Sirius’ parents wanted to have time to settle back into routine before their sons went back to school. 

 

It would be Sirius and James’ final semester in high school. A few more months, and then they would both be thrown into the adult world of college and employment and other things Sirius hadn’t spent enough time thinking about. 

 

His gaze fell on Remus for the thousandth time in fifteen minutes. He wondered what Remus did outside of working for Starbucks. He’d never seen the other boy around the ski town, but that didn't surprise him much. Everything here was expensive, and Sirius didn’t think anyone could afford rent on a Starbucks salary alone. If Remus didn’t live here, he had to live in one of the surrounding towns, possibly going to a nearby college. There were a few community colleges interspersed amongst the mountains, for the people who lived out here instead of in the city. 

 

Sirius’ view of Remus was intercepted by James himself. Sirius’ face heated up, and he dropped his gaze to his coffee while James ordered. James didn’t need to know about Sirius’ little crush on the barista. It would never amount to anything. Remus thought Sirius was a girl, Remus lived hours away, and Sirius knew he didn’t have a chance with a cis guy. Not everyone was as accepting as James and Peter when it came to things like that. 

 

James came over and joined Sirius. “You look like you caught your parents going at it. What’s on your mind?”

 

“Dating sucks when you’re queer,” Sirius said. 

 

James frowned. “You’ll find someone. Maybe we can go to an LGBT meetup at college together. Find you someone who doesn’t give a shit about what’s in your pants.”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t that give Lily the wrong idea?”

 

“What, that I’m a supportive ally of my best friend?” James asked. He took a sip from his coffee, and then made a face when he realised that it was still too hot to start drinking. Behind him, Remus caught Sirius’ eye for a moment, and Sirius wondered how much he could hear from across the room. James set his coffee down bringing Sirius’ attention back to the present. “If she’s put off by that, I’ll be surprised. And if she is, you know what they say, bros before hos.”

 

“Ah yes, Lily Evans, known ho,” Sirius rolled his eyes. He pressed his thumb to the lid of his coffee. “Changing the subject, where do we want to go to college?”

 

“Assuming we can all get into Denver, I’d prefer that,” James said. “They’ve got a snowboarding club, and it’s a lot better than the one at Colorado State.”

 

“And you’re all about the athletics,” Sirius said, grinning. 

 

“You know it,” James said back. He glanced over his shoulder, right to where Remus had moved to make someone else a drink. Starbucks was almost empty now, with only two other occupied tables. The sun had gone down, it was colder now, and Remus was making someone a drink. James looked back to Sirius. “He’s your type.”

 

“No,” Sirius said, lying. He swallowed when James didn’t back down. “Okay, yeah, he is. But I’m not going to do anything about it. He has no idea who I am, and I’m not about to explain myself to some cis guy just to get laid. I can do better than that.”

 

“Fair enough. But don’t bring that attitude to college,” James said. He drank from his coffee and fixed Sirius with the most serious expression he’d ever given. “I’m not getting laid without you. We’re best friends. We get fucked together, and we’re going to die together one day.”

 

“Jesus Christ,” Sirius said, letting out a bark of laughter. He ignored the look that Remus gave him and James from behind the counter, and instead winked at him. Because he was Sirius Black and he was having coffee with his best friend, and he could do whatever he wanted. 

 

It was a burst of confidence in the midst of self-doubt. James helped Sirius feel better about himself. James had never made Sirius feel like he was less of a guy for being trans, or that he was annoying or awkward or unwanted or any of the things Sirius feared he was. James was the best. He figured out people’s insecurities and then threatened to beat them up with a baseball bat. 

 

Sirius shook his head. “I’m so ready to move into a dorm with you.”

 

“Best four years of our lives,” James said. He grinned. “And if they’ve got triples…”

 

“We can drag Peter into our shit,” Sirius said. He returned James’ grin, excited for the future. He didn’t know where he was going to end up for college, but he’d be with his friends and they’d have a damn good time together. And really, what more could a boy ask for?

 

* * *

 

“Did you do it?” Sirius asked. 

 

James tugged his scarf up around his face. “Oh my God.”

 

“Well did you?”

 

“I will shove you into the street.”

 

“What are you guys talking about?” Peter asked, finally tuning into the conversation. He wound his earbuds around his phone as the three of them walked through the snow. “Don’t threaten Sirius, James. I don’t think he’s done anything worth threatening yet.”

 

“The day is still young,” Sirius said. It was morning, the sun was barely up, and they were all three walking to school. Lily lived on the opposite side of the school district, and rode a different bus, so they didn't get to see her until they were in the physical school building. That meant that Sirius had plenty of time to get an answer out of James. He kicked some snow away from the sidewalk. “So, did you?”

 

“Not yet,” James said finally. 

 

“Did what?” Peter asked. He frowned. “I can’t believe I missed it, whatever it was.”

 

“Well, considering Mr. James Potter is a damn coward, you haven’t missed anything,” Sirius said. 

 

James mimed shoving Sirius into the street. “Fuck off, I’m  _ going _ to do it, I just need the right moment.”

 

“What are you going to do?!” Peter asked, his voice breaking a little in annoyance. 

 

“He’s gonna ask Lily to be his girlfriend,” Sirius said. He turned around and started walking backwards, hoping he wouldn’t slip on any ice and embarrass himself in front of his friends. “You still have to buy my yearbook.”

 

“I asked her on a date!” James exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Just because I didn’t make it official doesn’t mean I  _ lost _ ! Buy your own yearbook.”

 

“Hell no,” Sirius said. “Admit you’re a coward and afraid of rejection.”

 

“Wait, wait, hold on,” Peter said, stepping between the two of them and putting his hands on James’ shoulders. He looked up at James and narrowed his eyes. “You mean to tell me, you went on a  _ date _ with Lily--our friend Lily that you’ve been in love with for years--and you didn’t  _ ask her to be your girlfriend _ ?”

 

“He’s a bit of an idiot,” Sirius said, helpfully. James flipped him off. “What? You are.”

 

“Shut up, I panicked,” James said. He ducked under Peter’s arms. “I didn’t… I didn’t want to come on too strong and have her think that I was going to be like Sev, okay? I know I’m not subtle, but I don’t want to mess up our friendship. She means too much to me for that.”

 

Peter and Sirius exchanged a look. They didn’t have to say it, but it was obvious. At some point, James’ feelings for Lily had moved on from a simple childhood crush. He was in love, and he was treating Lily like… like she was the best thing to happen to him. Sirius wasn’t sure how to respond to this new side of James that he was seeing. He was so used to his friend being light hearted and a little immature that this person almost seemed like a stranger. 

 

Peter managed to sort his thoughts out first. “Well, she isn’t going to say no.”

 

“Yeah, James, if you keep acting like that, she’ll swoon,” Sirius said. He linked his arm with James’. “All mature and self-aware and shit? She’ll eat that right up.”

 

“She’ll eat you right up,” Peter added. He and Sirius high-fived. 

 

“I hate both of you,” James said, but he was smiling and Sirius knew he meant the opposite. The three boys fell back into step as they approached the school, with James in the middle and Peter and Sirius flanking him. The sidewalk wasn’t really big enough for them all to fit, and so Peter hung behind James a little, but it was alright because he moved back up once they were on school grounds. 

 

Sirius looked around as soon as they were at the building. He needed to spot Lily, so that he could drag her over to James and Peter, and then he and Peter could gently bully James into asking Lily to be his girlfriend. That was how friendships worked. There was gentle bullying so that none of them could be cowards. 

 

Sirius ignored the little voice in his head that said he was being a bit of a coward when it came to Remus the barista. Remus was different. He was a bit of a fantasy, and he lived hours away and Sirius wasn’t going to pursue a cis guy when he was only a few months away from graduation. There would be plenty of options for him in college, and then he could get over his little crush on the barista and find someone more convenient. 

 

He spotted a flash of red on the other side of the courtyard and grabbed James’ arm. James let out an annoyed yelp (Sirius had done this before) and grabbed Peter before Sirius could drag him very far. The three of them kicked up snow as they moved through their classmates to where Lily was sitting on a bench and reading something on her phone. She looked up as the three approached and rolled her eyes in a way that Sirius could only describe as lovingly and long-suffering. 

 

Sirius threw James at her. “Have fun! Pete and I are gonna do shit without you!”

 

He then wrenched Peter out of James’ grip and bolted into the building. He let go once the two of them were safely inside, and then pressed his face to the glass part of the door. 

 

Peter laughed. “You’re so dramatic.”

 

“I have to be to make up for my lack of height,” Sirius said. He and Peter were around the same height, but Peter was exceptionally short for a cis guy. James was unnecessarily tall, and even Lily had a few inches on Sirius. Thus, Sirius had to be dramatic and awesome and shit so that people would notice him. He couldn’t let James have all the fun. 

 

James and Lily were talking. Sirius couldn’t tell what they were talking about, as he was on the other side of the door, but he could see that they were talking. He wished that he had some way of hearing them, of knowing how James was stuttering over his words because he was deeply in love with Lily Evans and had been for years and was in over his head because his two best friends weren’t there to back him up and make him look cooler than he actually was. Sirius didn’t know if that was happening, but he had a great imagination sometimes. 

 

This, of course, was one of those times. Since he couldn’t hear the conversation, he was free to make up whatever story he wanted. If James ruined it later, that would be his own loss. 

 

* * *

 

James and Lily were official, and Peter and Sirius were currently planning how to best embarrass them on Valentine’s Day. They figured that they had to, as they were still single and their best friends were dating. 

 

“How many carnations is too many?” Sirius asked. He was upside down on Peter’s bed, and the two of them were alone in the house. Mrs. Pettigrew had been far too willing to leave her son alone with a person she thought of as a girl. 

 

“How much money do you have?” Peter asked back. He swung around in his desk chair to face Sirius head on. “Because I’ve got about twelve, and if we get enough carnations, we can overwhelm them.”

 

Sirius grinned and pointed up at his friend. “I like how you think.”

 

“I hope so, we’ve been friends for years now,” Peter said. He rolled his eyes and swung his chair back around to his desk. Sirius didn’t know what Peter was doing on his laptop, and he didn’t particularly care either. It didn’t matter. There was a plan in motion, and Sirius always worked best when he had a plan to go off of. 

 

The two of them decided to buy a dozen carnations each, and if possible, to make sure that they were all close to salmon in colour. Sirius knew that Peter had no idea what salmon looked like, but they’d both seen the  _ salmon is for passion _ image and knew that James would understand the meaning behind it. Lily might not, as she wasn’t in their group chat (she’d chosen to avoid it), but that was alright. Embarrassing James was easy. Embarrassing James and making him explain why he was embarrassed to Lily was going to be great now that the two of them were official. 

 

Sirius grinned as he fanned himself with the carnation money. “Ah, this makes all the college stress worth it.”

 

“We should get a card for each one and have them all say that salmon is for passion,” Peter said. 

 

“Just Lily’s,” Sirius said. “If we put it on James’, he’ll know they’re from us.”

 

“Isn’t that what we want?”

 

Sirius balled up the money and hurled it at Peter’s head. “No, we have to keep up  _ some _ level of anonymity. If we’re obvious about everything we do, that ruins the fun of it.”

 

“Alright, fine, we’ll leave the salmon off of James’ carnations,” Peter said, and hurled the money ball back at Sirius. “I’ll figure out a better note to leave on his.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.... forgot about this fic for a month, sorry. Life happened, I got caught up in irl cosplay stuff, but hey, I remembered it!!

Peter never came up with anything, but it didn’t matter in the end. Lily got James a white carnation, James got her two red ones and then Sirius stole one of them for himself so that Lily wouldn’t feel bad about getting James less than he’d gotten her, and they both got twelve salmon carnations each. 

 

The look on Lily’s face when she read off the label was priceless. She scrunched up her face, all of her freckles running together, and tilted her head to the side. “Salmon… is for passion?”

 

“Oh, God,” James said, and dropped his face into his hands. 

 

Lily looked at Sirius and Peter, and they knew they’d been caught. “Do I want to know why you two did this, or am I better off being ignorant for once?”

 

“Go with the latter,” Peter said, and patted her shoulder. He’d gotten a carnation of his own (light pink), but he had no idea who it had come from. Sirius didn’t know either, but he was planning to find out. Of the four of them, Peter had struggled the most to get attention from girls, so it was about time that someone showed interest. Sirius hoped that the girl was sincere, and not trying to make his friend the butt of her joke. 

 

Sirius was in the middle of turning his carnations into a crown (with James’ stolen red on as the centerpiece) when Severus approached the four of them. He was holding a white and pink carnation with Lily’s name clearly scrawled on it, and he turned his nose up at the rest of them. 

 

Sirius rolled his eyes and dropped his half-finished crown on top of James’ head. “What do you want now?”

 

“I wanted to talk to Lily,” Severus said, pointedly not looking at Sirius. 

 

Sirius ignored this fact, and plucked the carnation from Severus’ hands. He turned it over in his own. “Not bad. Not salmon, though, which is Lily’s favourite colour.”

 

Lily rolled her eyes at him. Sirius handed the carnation over to James as well. “You think your girlfriend would like this? Or has Snivellus overstepped his boundaries again?”

 

James, because he was James and didn’t always think things through, took the carnation and shoved it into his mouth for a moment. Sirius was still holding onto the stem, and he mimed a jacking off motion until James spit the petal end back out. He shook his head. “Doesn’t taste right. Sorry, Sniv, maybe next year.”

 

Sirius and Peter dissolved into laughter and Severus walked away from their table. His face was the same colour as Lily’s hair, and Sirius couldn’t bring himself to feel at all bad about the whole thing. James turned the flower over in his hand, frowning at it. “What do we do with it?”

 

“I feel bad throwing it out,” Lily said. She threw her hands up when all three boys gave her a condescending look. “What? The poor flower didn’t ask to be picked by Sev and then shoved in James’ mouth. The least we can do is give it a second chance.”

 

Peter nodded, seeming to be deep in contemplation about the whole thing. Sirius didn't think that there was much to contemplate about. The flower had been tainted by Severus’ grimy, sexist hands, but Lily was going to overlook it because she was overly sentimental about things. Sirius didn’t understand her sometimes. Sure, they’d both been cursed with estrogen, but Lily’s mind was incredibly different from Sirius’. He could use that as proof that he was really a guy, if he wanted. 

 

Lily looked around, to make sure that Severus wasn’t still hanging around, and then she added the carnation to her bouquet. James grimaced, and Lily shoved her flowers at him. “Shut it, Potter. Some of us still feel sympathy for inanimate objects.”

 

“We should sanitize it first,” Peter said. “Between Snivellus’ hands and James’ mouth, who knows what kind of weird shit is on that flower now?”

 

“Peter,” Sirius said, and placed his chin in his hands. “How  _ exactly _ does one sanitize a fucking  _ flower _ .”

 

“...I didn’t think that through, did I?” Peter said. 

 

“No you did not,” Sirius said. He reached across the table and took one of Peter’s chips so that he would know how much of an idiot he was. Flowers couldn’t be sanitized. Sirius was pretty sure that sanitizing a flower would kill the flower, and then Lily would get upset because she  _ still felt sympathy for inanimate objects _ , and then James would get upset because he was her boyfriend now and that was part of his job. It was all a series of dramatic events, but it was Sirius’ series of dramatic events and he knew how the world worked so of course he knew what would happen if anyone listened to Peter’s idea.

 

James leaned back in his seat. “Pete. Who do you think is trying to woo you?”

 

“I have no idea,” Peter said. 

 

“Bet it’s Mary,” James said. He looked at the table behind Sirius and Peter and winked. Sirius didn’t need to turn around to know that he was winking at Mary and her friends. 

 

“Shut up,” Peter said, turning a nice shade of pink. He’d had a thing for Mary McDonald for a while now, but hadn’t done anything about it. Sirius and James had, of course. They’d taken to flirting with her at every chance they got, because if Peter wasn’t going to do it himself, one of them had to. Lily had no interest in joining the boys in their shenanigans. Her loss, of course. Sirius was having a great time. 

 

“And Sirius,” James said, turning his attention to his best friend. “You received quite a few this year. Who’s on your list?”

 

“Not looking, at the moment,” Sirius said. Sure, he could get with someone, but they were only a few months away from graduation and Sirius had his eyes already on future college boys. He leaned back in his seat, folding his hands behind his head. “Gonna finish school as a bachelor, and then I can do whatever--and whoever--I want once we get to campus.”

 

“Of course that’s your plan,” Lily said, but she said it with such resounding fondness that Sirius couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed with her. 

 

* * *

 

Graduation was at eight in the morning. Sirius wasn’t sure who had decided to make a bunch of teenagers sit around in suits and dresses at eight in the morning, but whoever they were, he was going to come to their house and piss in their orange juice out of spite. He told James and Peter about his plan, and they both agreed to also donate their piss to the cause. Lily, however, was not interested.

 

“It’s gross,” she said.

 

“That’s the point,” Sirius said, grinning back at her. He was stuck in a stupid dress for graduation, and he was trying not to think about it. Dresses were the worst thing to ever exist. He felt exposed, and not in a cute way. “If we make it gross enough, no one will ever have to suffer this early in the morning ever again. It’s a perfect plan, and you can’t convince me otherwise.”

 

“I wasn’t going to,” Lily said. 

 

A teacher walked by then, and told Sirius to go back to his place in the line. The teacher called him  _ Miss _ , however, and so Sirius and Lily both gave her a dark look until she shook her head and kept walking down the line. No one was awake enough to properly discipline the graduates, it seemed, and Sirius was just fine with that. Peter and James were on the opposite end of the hall, but his last name was close enough to Lily’s that he could find her and bother her until it was time to go out and graduate. 

 

The ceremony was as boring as Sirius had expected. Lily and James both got to speak, as Lily was the Valedictorian and James was the class president. Sirius got a bunch of ribbons and cords, and after he got his diploma and returned to his seat he started braiding them all together into a huge mess around his neck. Sure, he was proud of himself, but he didn’t care that much about school. Graduating high school was just a step in his life. College was where he’d really get to be himself and enjoy his life. 

 

It took two hours. By the end of it, Sirius was itchy and exhausted and desperate to get out of his dress and heels and into a pair of jeans again. He wouldn’t get to do that, though, because his parents had invited his grandparents and they were all going to some expensive restaurant downtown to celebrate. 

 

And by celebrate, Sirius knew that his parents meant they wanted to show off and have a boring conversation with his grandparents about politics. The grandparents would say stupid conservative shit, someone would make a racist joke, and Sirius and Regulus would both have to laugh and pretend that they weren’t deeply uncomfortable during the whole thing. Well, Sirius would have to act. He was getting less sure about his younger brother’s opinions by the day. 

 

“Hey,” Regulus said when the two of them were far enough from their parents that no one could overhear them. “Congrats, and all that.”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “It’s barely an accomplishment. We’re all  _ expected _ to finish high school.”

 

“I know, but you’re… you’re different.”

 

Sirius raised his eyebrows, ready to be pissed off if his brother was calling him an idiot.

 

“You’re, you  _ know _ ,” Regulus hissed, and Sirius realised he was talking about the trans shit, not Sirius’ intelligence. Regulus adjusted the cuffs on his jacket. “Don’t do anything stupid, okay? I know you’re out of school and you’re an adult, but our parents can still do a lot.”

 

“I know, Reg,” Sirius said. He grinned to cover the usual wave of fear that crashed over him whenever someone reminded him how dependent he still was. “Don’t worry, I won’t do anything they can find out about.”

 

Regulus gave him a look.

 

“I mean it,” Sirius said, and dropped the grin. “I’ll be careful.”

 

“You better,” he said. “There’s only so much I can cover up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!


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